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It's Always Behind Me
Have you ever had that feeling that something is right behind you? I do, in fact, I have it all the time. I know I'm probably just paranoid, but I'm always carrying this little knot in my stomach, because I always have this strange feeling that I'm being watched. I guess I'm just one of those people. But I embrace my weirdness. I might be a little paranoid, but not all that much. Just a bit more than everyone else. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes, when my parents are out of the house and I'm left all alone… I hear… noises. It's not anything over-the-top or anything, usually just a simple sound. And always a sound that is very hard to describe. Sometimes it's just a faint knocking of some wood against something else, something metallic maybe. Sometimes it's just scampering or something ripping…but I always hear it either above me or behind me. But I'm not some paranoid freak. I know it's probably either the old house we live in, or the mice that always get into the dog food in the garage. But it's still a bit…unsettling. I don't like to hear weird noises in the midst of pure silence, so I'll just turn on the TV and drown out any of those excess sounds. It's just the mice. Nobody is in the house. There's this window right behind me now. The laptop I use is always on the kitchen table, which is right in front of a small window. During the day, I don't have a problem with this particular window…but at night, I don't like the blinds to be open. I mean, you hear about freaky stalkers all the time on the news, right? I don't want to be that one kid who ends up on an Oprah TV special. But I don't like to look out of windows at night. I mean, you never know what's out there in the dark, right? But I still need to close the blinds, because I can't stand being watched. Not that somebody really is watching me, I don't want to take the chance. It's all for the same reasons that I make sure the living room curtains are always shut, with no sliver or crack in between any of them. I don't want weird people looking into the house… they'd have a clear view of the couch on the far end of the living room. I never sit on that couch. There's too much I can't see when I sit there. Too much that can sneak up behind me. My parents always tell me to turn off the television before I fall asleep on the couch. But I can't. I need the noise. I've always needed the noise, it's always been like that ever since I was little. I can't sleep in the dark and the quiet. That's why I also need the TV to always be on. Well, that and if the TV were to turn off, the smooth reflective surface would turn into a big, dark mirror. And I hate mirrors. I even have an old computer monitor in my bedroom that I cover with a shirt, because I can't stand reflective surfaces. I don't know why I don't like mirrors, but I've always heard scary stories about them and to continue on that note, what if I were to look up at any kind of reflective surface, and see someone behind me? What would I do? I don't want that. It makes me sick just thinking about it. I hear a noise outside. Someone is outside. That's the only explanation. Somebody wants to break in. I need to get up and go tell my parents, but I don't want whatever it is to see me in the window on the front door…I really wish that window had a curtain. The noise has stopped…but I can hear my dog barking. Oh yeah, a dog. We have stray dogs in the neighborhood. And cats. Those guys are like, enemies for life, right? They're the ones making the noise. Oh my God. Something is behind me. I know it. No wait, no there isn't. No way. Is it just the dog again? I hate that stupid thing. She always leaps between the curtains, leaving these huge cracks for people to look in…and then she just barks. She barks at absolutely nothing. And when she barks, I know they're there. Waiting for the chance to come in. I hate living in this house. Why me? Why us? Somebody has been stalking our house. I hear the noises every night. I have no doubt in my mind, they're just waiting for the right moment to break in. It all makes sense. I've always worried that this would happen, and now it has. They're going to break into the house at night when we're asleep. In fact, who's to say they aren't already in the house? I'm always losing things, and everything is always getting moved. Oh my God, they are in the house. No…no, that's impossible. They haven't entered the house…yet. Please, God…not yet. I have a little ritualistic hobby I do every night. Every single night, I check under my bed for anyone who might be hiding. Then I check the closet, and behind the closet door. (The closet is always open, because I always have to have the closet light on.) Even then, it's hard to sleep. I usually try to fall asleep to the sound of Friends ''reruns playing on the television. But I like to sleep with my head facing left, which is against the wall. I hate doing that, I always think that something is going to take advantage of the moment…sneak up behind me and appear at my bedside. So I just cover my entire body with pillows and blankets and hope that whatever it is doesn't see me. It's about this time I hear a noise coming from the kitchen. I forgot to close the blinds. Something is in the house. I don't leave my bedroom at night anymore, not even to go to the bathroom. I always expect someone to be waiting there in the dark. There's something happening. I know it. Something else happened last night. I was just pacing the room like I did every night, letting myself get lost in my thoughts as reruns of Friends played in the background, when suddenly…my computer flashed on. I mean, it was already on. But the thing was sleeping…the screen had been black. I listened to the roaring fans within the thing take over the sound of the entire room. I was out of my element, back in reality. In a very dark room. I could have sworn I heard it. It wasn't like a grunt or someone speaking or anything. It was like that sound some people make when they shrug. But it was coming from right behind me. I turned around, and of course nothing was there. I just stood there, staring at the television as Monica and Rachel had another argument. Suddenly, the room felt very big to me. I couldn't relax any more. All I could think was, ''Oh my God, it's behind me. It's behind me now isn't it? But I would turn around and nothing would be there. So then I'd go off again with It's on my back. It's always behind me. It moves too fast. It's on top of me. It's right behind me. I kept turning around, expecting it to show itself. But it never did. Whatever it was never wanted to be seen. I didn't want it to watch me. I didn't want it to be able to hide. I jumped down from my bed and firmly pressed my back against the mattress. It couldn't get behind me. I wasn't going to let it. Just then, I heard more noises in the kitchen…and more noises outside. They're getting closer. They're getting more confident. Oh my God, I'm going to die, aren't I? I don't want to die. Okay, I'll admit it, maybe I am a bit paranoid…but there is something behind me. I don't want to look, but I know. I know that this burning sensation, I feel it's pressing against me as its cold eyes just continue staring at me. I can't turn towards it, though. I can't. I'm at my computer, and I forgot to shut the blinds earlier. How could I have forgotten to shut the blinds? It's watching me. I know it. It's behind me. It's always behind me. Category:Mental Illness Category:Reality Category:Diary/Journal